I have been photographing humans professionally for 29 years.
Ive had thousands and thousands of interactions, a few hundred weddings, and a front-row seat to what makes a wedding feel incredible, and what makes you want to become emotionally involved with oncoming traffic.
And if I could give couples one piece of advice after all these years, it would be:
DO YOU, and ONLY YOU.
Have the Renaissance wedding.
Wear the hot pink dress.
Get married barefoot on a mountain.
Skip the traditions you hate.
Eat tacos or pizza
Have 150 people there. Have 15.
And for the love of everything holy, invite ONLY the people who make you feel loved, heard, safe and celebrated.
Your wedding is not a family reunion you’re obligated to host.
It is not the day to manage everyone else’s feelings.
It is a celebration of your relationship.
Act accordingly. 😂
What Queer Weddings Have Taught Me About Love
Some of the most meaningful weddings I’ve photographed have been queer weddings, and I think there is something the larger wedding world could learn from them.
When you’ve spent any portion of your life being told that who you are, how you love, or what your relationship looks like doesn’t fit the mold, there can be something incredibly powerful about finally getting to say:
We’re doing this our way.
One of my favorite weddings I’ve ever photographed was Greg and Sebi’s here in Bellingham, Washington at The Chrysalis.
During their vows, they did something I will never forget.
They asked everyone attending their wedding to stand and put a hand over their heart, tomake a pledge—to support Greg and Sebi, to love them, and to stand beside them through the trials and tribulations of their marriage.
The guests weren’t simply watching two people make promises to each other.
The entire community made a promise back.
And DAMN. After photographing hundreds of weddings, that one stayed with me.
For many LGBTQ+ people, chosen family can carry enormous meaning. Not everyone has been supported or celebrated by the people they were born into. Sometimes family becomes the people who show up, see you completely, and choose to stand beside you.
And frankly, I wish more straight/cisgender wedding culture would steal that idea.
Instead of asking, Who are we supposed to invite?
Ask:
Who do we want standing beside this marriage?
That is a very different guest list.
My Best Advice for Actually ENJOYING Your Wedding
1. Ruthlessly protect your guest list.
You should look around your wedding and feel loved.
Not worried about what somebody thinks about your dress, your partner, your body, your vows, your identity, your weird friends or the way you’ve chosen to celebrate.
Invite the people who make you MORE yourself.
Those are your people.
2. Stop performing “wedding.”
Don’t want to be walked down the aisle? Don’t.
Want to walk in together? Hell yes.
Want your dog in the ceremony?
Want to dress in straight up suit of armor?
Want everyone dressed like it’s 1987?
DO IT.
The weddings I remember most aren’t the ones that perfectly followed the formula.
They’re the ones where I thought, Holy shit, this is SO THEM.
3. DELEGATE.
Please.
You should not be answering questions about napkins 14 minutes before your ceremony.
Assign people you trust to be the point person for vendors, family questions, decorations, transportation, missing boutonnieres and whatever other tiny emergency suddenly becomes VERY IMPORTANT.
And once you’ve delegated something?
LET IT GO.
Your job that day is to get married.
Something I have said more times than I can count to various members of the wedding party, “you have done the work, now your only job is to relax and have fun”
4. Build breathing room into the day.
Don’t schedule every five minutes.
Some of my favorite photographs happen in the spaces between the scheduled things.
Give yourself time to hug people.
Eat something.
Go outside.
Sit down.
Look at your person and say, Holy shit, we’re married.
Your wedding isn’t a production schedule. You are allowed to actually experience it.
5. Create one moment that belongs only to you.
This is one reason I love first looks and private vows.
Before everyone arrives—or before the ceremony takes over—give yourselves a few minutes where nobody needs anything from you.
Read your vows privately. Take a walk. Sneak away after dinner. Watch the sunset.
Just be together.
6. Choose vendors who make you feel safe being yourself.
You spend a LOT of your wedding day around your photographer.
You should never feel like you have to perform for us.
You shouldn’t have to explain your relationship, gender expression, family structure, body, sensory needs or why you’ve thrown a particular tradition directly into the garbage.
The people documenting and supporting your wedding should make it easier to be yourself, not harder.
7. Leave room for PLAY.
This might be one of my biggest ones.
Get in the water.
Dance terribly.
Run around barefoot.
Have the slip-and-slide.
Bring the swords.
Laugh until your face hurts.
You aren’t creating a styled shoot.
You’re creating a memory.
Your Wedding Doesn’t Need to Impress Anyone
After 29 years of photographing people, it’s not about perfection.
Give me connection. Give me people crying during vows. Give me ridiculous laughter. Give me chosen family.
Give me the moment someone looks around and realizes they’re surrounded by people who genuinely love them.
Give me a wedding that could only belong to those two humans.
That’s what I want to photograph.
And that’s one of the things I deeply love about photographing the queer community: the permission to question the script, redefine family, celebrate identity and build something that feels authentic instead of simply traditional.
Every couple deserves that freedom.
So whether you’re queer, straight, cis, trans, nonbinary, traditional, wildly unconventional or somewhere in between:
Make your wedding your own.
Invite the people who celebrate you.
Delegate the bullshit.
Wear whatever the hell you want.
Keep the traditions that mean something and ditch the ones that don’t.
Play.
Be present.
Love your people.
And when you look around that room, I hope you see exactly what Greg and Sebi created:
A community that isn’t simply there to witness your love—but is willing to stand up and promise to support it.
That is a wedding worth having.
— Amy
Lemon Wing | Bellingham, Washington